10/31/25: New Entries on Mini Blog & Blog Post! (Absolute Behemoth of a Blog Post Entry!)

10/17/25: New Mini Blog Post!

8/25/25: I created a Mini Blog for the homepage.

7/31/25: New Blog Post! Not Worthy Of Human Compassion Review

7/30/25: New Mini Blog Entry!

6/29/25: Finally remade my About Me section that I have been putting off for forever.

5/29/25: Completely shutting down Song of the Week

5/14/25: Final Song for Song of the Week

4/21/25: Added my own background and theme to this website. Removed most of the old images and added my own pictures.

4/13/25: REVAMPED THE ROSHENPERIUM WEBSITE

10/31/2025

Portland Retro Gaming Expo & Edge Day Show PART 1

[Event Occured On 10/18/25]

I am reminding myself to NEVER go to two events in one day. I will be drilling that into my skull until I don’t make that same mistake twice. Because it’s quite convenient that the Retro Gaming Expo was on the same day as the Edge Day Show in Portland. Fortunately, the Edge Day show begins at 7pm, so I have all the time to enjoy the Expo. I figured it was going to be a busy and hectic day; however, I wish I knew how much of a grave mistake that would be. To begin with, my shift ends at 1:30am, and I go to bed at 3am so I can wake up at 6am to get ready, since the train to Portland leaves at 7:45am. Yeah, already off to a rough start because 3 hours of sleep is not enough energy for the amount of bodily abuse I will be putting my body through. In my defense, I can’t really help that my shift ends at 1:30am, and it takes me roughly 1-2 hours for me to get sleepy enough to fall asleep.

Anyway, the train arrives at 7:45am, and I manage to get ready and request a ride from Uber to the station. My morning train ride actually goes pretty smoothly, and I slept throughout most of it. Once I arrive at the PDX train station, I begin calling out for work. However, I was having issues scheduling a day off from work prior to this day. I initially requested a shift change with a coworker who was completely okay with it a month in advance. I would work on her day off, while she works on mine. However, my supervisor declined our request, and so I had to opt for calling out of work instead. Not a big deal, right? No. This was the most inconvenient part of my day.

I attempted to call my workplace 15 times at the station, and not a single time did I manage to get through. I’m still not sure how to explain why my calls weren’t being received, but I figured it was because I was 100 miles away. I didn’t want my morning to be spoiled thinking about work, and despite my frustration, I went on my way to the Portland Retro Gaming Expo. If I spent more time dwelling on the fact that I wasted 40 minutes at the station trying to call my work, I was going to lose it. I already accepted the fact that I’d be a no-call-no-show despite the fact that I attempted to schedule a shift change over a month in advance, only for it to be declined. Luckily, I had mentioned to coworkers a few days prior that I’d be gone on the weekend, so when I came back into work, it was not a surprise that I was gone since they already knew. Thank god I did not get in trouble for this.

I’ve mentioned this many times in the past on my site that I do not use social media. That’s not technically true because I still have Instagram; however, I primarily use it for one purpose only, and it’s to look at upcoming shows or events in my local scene. Nothing else. I don’t dare doomscroll or look at the explore page. All that to say, I rarely read or watch the news, so all of the up-to-date events happening are told way after it has passed. However, I was aware of the No Kings Protest, and surprisingly, I saw it while I was walking down the bridge. It was really incredible to see so much passion towards something I also stand by. I will say I thought it was pretty silly that so many people were wearing costumes, and I even witnessed a family of three wearing taco costumes, but overall, I was just very impressed and proud of Portland with all the bullshit happening in the US.

When I managed to make it to the Portland Retro Gaming Expo I was completely ecstatic, and my god, I’ve been to A LOT of conventions in the past, but this one was truly special. For starters, after getting your lanyard and day pass, the first thing you see are rows and rows of arcade cabinets and pinball machines. You better believe I spent an egregious amount of time playing them. There was also a Tetris tournament happening all day, and this boy right here LOVES Tetris. I didn’t participate in the tournament, but man, next year I definitely will. I really enjoyed just watching it, but maybe I’ll gain enough confidence to go against someone in front of hundreds of people. There was also a “Console Hall” where you could play every single console that came out since the 70s up to the Xbox 360, and right next to it, there was a recreation of a living room in the 80s. It’s basically a lounge area with three CRT TVs where you can play the NES, SNES, or N64 as if you were in your childhood living room.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but I did not anticipate the number of retro video games I would be seeing. I honestly thought I’d see a mixture of artist alley, clothes, comics, and video game props, but no, it was just rows and rows of retro video games. I absolutely loved that, but I was on a strict budget because I’ll be up in Vancouver, Canada, to see two hardcore shows happening with several of my friends. I would love to splurge for next year, though. I was quite overwhelmed walking around seeing each stall because it really was just a lot. I managed to snag one game, and it was Quake on the N64. I wasn’t worried about grabbing all the NES or SNES games because I completed my collection, but I deeply regret not buying the Atari 2600+ cause I thoroughly enjoyed playing the Atari games. It genuinely was my first time, and I understand why people love the console.

This Expo was my first in a lot of ways, as I mentioned, I spent an egregious amount of time playing 80s arcade cabinets. I’ve played many of these games exclusively ported onto consoles such as the NES and SNES, but playing them in their original form was incredible. It was an experience I deeply appreciated. It was my first time playing games like Pong, Centipede, TRON, Missile Command, and Pole Position 2, all in their respective arcade cabinets. I was so determined to make it on the leaderboard for Pole Position 2 that I spent over 2 hours nonstop playing just so I could at least reach the top 5 on Fuji. Only amassed 15k while the guy at the top of the leaderboard made it to 31k. At least I made it in the top 5, but for Seaside, I made it on No. 1 with my score being 16k, which was a huge highlight of my day. Eventually, I would destroy this score when I went to Vancouver, Canada. I found a small 80s arcade there and played Pole Position for maybe 3 hours, and I racked up a score of 31k, and my name was everywhere on the leaderboard. Most of it was around 20-29k for my scores. I love racing games, what can I say?

I did go back and forth a lot from the arcade cabinets to the Console Hall. I played F-Zero A LOT, but I was too nervous to come up to someone’s already preestablished group and ask to play Mario Kart 64 with them. (NOTE: Not a single N64 console had one person; there was some group of people already there.) I haven’t mentioned this yet, but I was here at this expo by myself. I did not intend to bring anyone because I figured they’d just say no, but next time I’m asking a friend because it’s one of those experiences that skyrockets tenfold when you have someone with you. After a while, I went to the other exhibits and discovered the Artist Alley and an array of 80s-90s home computers, and I immediately folded. When I saw those beige CRT monitors and PC towers, I probably looked like the most giddy child on the planet. I took quite a few pictures and messed with the computers, and probably pissed off a guy cause of my digital camera’s flash.

The Artist Alley was not that impressive actually. It was very underwhelming since it was just a smaller version of the main vendor hall, where people sold a bunch of retro video games. I found it quite disappointing because I was hoping to see a bunch of artists, comic books, and hell, at least a bunch of Nintendo Power magazines, but nope. However, I did stumble upon a few indie developers making video games, and one for the Atari 2600+ and various other consoles, so not all hope was lost. On the topic of Atari 2600+ I really regret not buying one when I was there. I did spend a good chunk at their booth playing a bunch of Atari 2600 games. When I first got into retro gaming, I didn’t bother getting any Atari console or game because in my eyes, it was just way too primitive for me. You know I really need to stop hating on things before trying them because it’s a very common event for me to realize that everything I hate turns into something I love.

I remember when I first got into retro video games and consoles, my focus was primarily on owning consoles I always wanted to play as a kid. Such as the SNES, N64, and PS2. Eventually, it would spark an interest in playing consoles that preceded them, but at the time, I was NOT interested in the Atari 2600. As I already mentioned, the graphics were way too primitive, and I would rather play the NES instead. A couple of years ago, graphics for me were a make-or-break situation. I’d only get games that looked good, and if the gameplay was bad, I’d brush it off. For example, Wolfenstein 3D or DOOM on the SNES. It’s super impressive, but it can feel unplayable, and the framerate is absolutely horrific. Nowadays, I’d rather play a game that is genuinely fun to play, regardless of how the game looks. Graphics don’t define a game, and when the game is fun to play, it trumps any form of good graphics over bad or mediocre gameplay. I never thought I’d own a 4-switch 1980 Atari 2600 console. After the Portland Retro Gaming Expo, I went to my local video game store and bought myself an Atari 2600 with Asteroids and Chopper Command.

Anyway, I’ve spent over 6 hours at this expo, and I have to remind myself that I’m in Portland. It’s natural to experience weird things here, but man, it can feel so surreal sometimes. For example, when I was in the middle of taking a picture of the lounge area. I was so locked in and focused on capturing the 80s vibe of the lounge that I did not recognize the llama in the corner of my viewfinder, and so when I captured the moment, I looked away from my camera and saw a damn llama. I genuinely have no idea how a llama spawned there, but it’s just... there. Now I have that moment immortalized on my camera, which is very funny to me. This isn’t a weird encounter but a rather sweet one. I was playing Pong by myself because I’ve never played the original Pong on its arcade cabinet, and this older fellow asked if it was okay to join. I said sure because I didn’t want to miss out on a nice opportunity. I went against him, and I was kind of stunned by how bad the guy was at the game. He got absolutely destroyed by someone significantly younger than him who’s never played original Pong up until today. I felt compelled to share this for the sake of bragging rights.

My last remaining hours before I leave for the Edge Day show were spent playing F-Zero by myself, which, in retrospect, sounds absolutely miserable. I promise you I was having a great time, but I was also mentally and physically tired by this point. Not only was I rocking 3 hours of sleep and an additional 2 on the train. I ate one meal out of the 6 hours I was there, and was severely dehydrated. When you’re walking around looking at vendors, panels, tournaments, and staring at a screen for hours, with very little nutrients in your body, it does something. I was so sleepy too, but I had another event to attend to! I mentioned this at the very beginning of this behemoth of a post, “I am reminding myself to NEVER go to two events in one day. I will be drilling that into my skull until I don’t make that same mistake twice.” It all goes downhill from here.

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7/31/2025

NOT WORTHY OF HUMAN COMPASSION - HONEST REVIEW

I am so relieved that I am not the only one who was a bit disappointed over the newest SCALP album "Not Worthy Of Human Compassion", but I know what my preferences are when it comes to hardcore and powerviolence, and I was a bit scared to voice my opinion because I genuinely tried so hard to enjoy it after numerous listens. However, I feared my ass was going to get jumped online if I said I disliked it in any capacity. Realistically, nothing would happen, but my brain likes to overthink. Ultimately, so many people were hyping it up, and I get it, though, because I mean it's fucking SCALP! Who doesn't fuck with SCALP?

SCALP is a band that pulls the grimiest, abrasive, and aggressive sounds from various underground music genres within punk and metal into an amalgamation of intense noises into music. At their core, they are a hardcore band that borrows hardcore punk and grindcore's speed and abrasiveness with the heaviness of death metal. The band themselves describe their music as "deathviolence" death metal infused with powerviolence, and Not Worthy Of Human Compassion leans heavily on the death metal influences. To me, it is a stark contrast to their previous releases, such as Black Tar (2023) and Domestic Extremity (2020), while they still have the obvious death metal influence, it still strikes me as more sonically powerviolence. I want to mention that this album isn't by any means a bad album. In complete retrospect, I heavily respect the band for owning the "deathviolence" label, as this album perfectly reflects what the band has been going for since the beginning. The band had a vision, and they kept evolving it and this album is a result of just that.

In many ways, this album is good. It shows how much the band has improved since 2019, but it's not their greatest, and in my opinion, it is their weakest release compared to their previous two. It's hard to follow up from a fan favorite as well, since when Black Tar came out, many people flocked to their music because of that album in particular. In my eyes, it was significantly more intense than Not Worthy Of Human Compassion. Of course, this doesn't mean I didn't enjoy any of the tracks off their newest release. I found myself only really enjoying their more powerviolence and grindcore esque tracks. Such as SHACKLEROT SURROGATEVICTIM, CONSPIRACY, RIGORVIVUS, and DRAG. Overall, I was disappointed because I found myself comparing it frequently to Black Tar and Domestic Extremity when it was obvious the band wanted to try something different, while I was desperately looking for similarities and elements that were reminiscent of those two albums. Ultimately, I feel as if I dug myself my own grave for putting them on such a high pedestal. I know objectively I shouldn't be comparing either. I have come to my own terms that my preferences will outweigh my listening experience to their music, and while I know there are good songs off Not Worthy Of Human Compassion. I will continue to listen to Black Tar and Domestic Extremity and appreciate their artistic direction moving forward, even when I am not a huge fan of said direction.

4/8/2025

GLUE LIKE CREW!

Al Barile guitarist and lyricist of SS Decontrol passed away a couple of days ago, and I am writing this to honor the man who founded SSD. A band that is pivotal to the history of straight edge hardcore and inspiring the Youth Crew movement. Al Barile formed SSD around 1981 and despite their 4 year life span, the band made a tremendous impact within the Boston hardcore scene. They were sonically the "heaviest punk band" at the time and their sheer intensity on stage, and aggressive music were unmatched compared to the dozens of other hardcore bands of this era. They stood out and for good reason. Their music was aggressive as hardcore should be.

While Minor Threat planted the seed for straight edge, SS Decontrol would help shape an idea from a song into something bigger. Their debut album "The Kids Will Have Their Say" featured several straight edge tracks, but it was their second release "Get It Away" that became an essential straight edge album. Emphasizing the importance of sticking together, sobriety, and a crew-like mentality inspired the next era of hardcore kids into the Youth Crew movement a couple of years later. The band will not be forgotten as they were instrumental to many of us who were discovering hardcore. Al Barile was the heart of the band and he wanted to make this band a statement and he fucking did.

The band's contribution cannot be understated and even after 40 years this band is still inspiring people and even the generation after me. Kids are discovering this band and getting into hardcore. I was one of those 2000s born kids who got into hardcore cause of old-school bands like Judge, SSD, Minor Threat, Youth Of Today, and Gorilla Biscuits. RIP Al Barile.

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4/4/2025

My Evolution Through Books

As I’ve grown older, I’ve been thinking much more about my childhood and how little I read as a kid. In fairness, most kids do not enjoy reading at that age, and it’s definitely an acquired taste for any child to enjoy reading, but growing up, I struggled greatly just trying to sit down and read a book. I was diagnosed with ADHD in 1st grade, so anything that required sitting down and reading was off the table. I was able to read comics, manga, and graphic novels perfectly fine, but the moment you gave me a novel I wouldn’t dare touch it. I remember going to the library for the first time with my dad and I picked up Harry Potter, and for the time I was borrowing the book I only read a couple of pages and left it on a shelf until I would return it on its due date. It wasn’t until I was in middle school that I enjoyed reading a novel for the first time. I’m sure many middle schoolers read The Outsiders, and GOD DAMN. I loved that book, but I was only able to read it because my teacher knew of my ADHD and told me that an audiobook would help me focus. I took her advice and ever since I was given that tip, I was able to read every book I was assigned to, and I still use audiobooks to this day.

However, I still wasn’t a huge fan of reading, and even though audiobooks helped me greatly to picture the imagery in my head. I didn’t want to rely on it because every high schooler was insecure in some way or another. Including myself. I really wanted to prove to people that I was normal like everyone else (there is a lot of context to this but for another time). To add to my insecurities, I was in IEP classes, and I desperately wanted to get out of it because, in my eyes, I didn’t want to be associated with “dumb people.” I cringe whenever I look back at how I used to think and act. It was incredibly problematic, and I am so glad I am nowhere near the type of person I was in high school. Anyway, I read two books that were assigned to me with no audiobook, and it was pretty damn rough for me at the time. Reading a book always felt daunting due to the amount of pages, and I always felt like I would be unable to finish it within a certain timeframe. However, when I finished both 1984 and The Catcher In The Rye before everyone else in the class, it did give me some confidence that I could actually finish the books.

Nowadays, the thickness of a book doesn’t scare me like it used to, and my way of thinking regarding time has changed as well. It’s because if I can watch an anime that has 300+ episodes where each episode is 25 minutes long, I can probably finish a book quicker than the anime I’m currently binging. I can finish a book within 8-10 hours if I really want to binge read, and that’s the same amount of time as watching a 24 episode long anime with no breaks. Changing my mindset on time has made it significantly easier for me to pick up a book and just read.

I’ve come to appreciate how much my tastes in books have changed over the years. I used to hate the majority of modern classics (despite never reading them to give them a proper chance) because whenever I did read excerpts of modern classics in class I hated the flowery nature and old-fashioned language, and in my mind the books I was shown felt too inaccessible for my dumb teenager brain. Not to forget that in my mind the plots in modern classics felt too boring. It's why 1984 and The Catcher in the Rye stuck out so much. Sure they are considered modern classics, but the writing felt so modern and timeless. At the time those two novels were my favorite books, but when I finished reading Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. All of that completely changed. It’s interesting because I was introduced to his works because of The Road like most people, and I read it in high school as well, and I’m a sucker for anything post-apocalyptic so it was right in my alley. As an edgy teen who loved gore and violence in media being told that Blood Meridian is a modern classic that had those two things immediately caught my eye.

Nothing could've prepared me for how difficult reading this book would be. I was roughly 17 when I attempted to read it. I was a pretty fresh reader, and I've read a few books here and there, but once I was hit with an incredibly dense novel with language and vocabulary that were completely out of my league. I just couldn't understand how to read it. I got frustrated and didn't pick it up for a long while until I decided one day at work I wanted to listen to the audiobook. That sprung me back into reading the book again, and as I kept reading and getting further into the story I loved every moment. As I've mentioned earlier as an adult my tastes have changed over time, or well I guess it mostly evolved. I used to only read horror novels by Stephen King or some form of sci-fi and fantasy, but now I love reading modern classics, philosophy, and political novels. Anything with some form of commentary within it has struck me way more than any fantasy I've read, and it's amazing how much I've grown to love modern classics in general.

Interestingly, I wanted to read more after I graduated because I wanted to become a better writer, but for me to get good at writing, not only did I have to practice, but I had to read more. It's been my driving force honestly, and I'm glad I can read a book and something within it would motivate me to write. I've explored authors I never thought I would like. Such as William Faulkner or Herman Melville because of Cormac McCarthy. Honestly, he has influenced me more than I ever thought an author would.

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3/21/2025

Self-Reflection | Be Less Hard On Yourself

To myself, be less hard on yourself. You hold a lot more capabilities than you think. Your insecurities are preventing you from progress and you're more than what you think you are.

For most of my life, I’ve struggled with self-image and insecurities that plague my mind every single day. In ways I feel stupid when I lack common sense or make a very dumb decision whether low self-esteem or anxiety caused it. That alone just sounds like an excuse. Regardless, I make a lot of stupid decisions that make me question whether or not I’m actually plain stupid. I’m aware we all have our strengths, but do we say that just to cope? Intelligence is such a vague concept, too. It really doesn’t help that school perpetuates this kind of thinking early on with students. That intelligence is a measurable concept that requires one way of thinking that is only respectable when applied to academics. Then again, we really don’t know what actual intelligence is. We have a limited understanding of what intelligence really is. I used to say I’m not a thinker; I believe that is because of my crippling low self-esteem, and maybe it’s my fear of having an ego. I seem to struggle to find the line between ego and confidence. On the one hand, I understand self-acceptance and self-love, but on the other hand, there’s arrogance, vanity, and narcissism. How can one even differentiate pride? The sheer idea of ego and confidence to me is a very muddy spectrum that makes it nearly impossible for me to grasp. It’s easy to see the word and know the difference, but how easy is it feeling the difference between ego and confidence? Sometimes I’ll play dumb in front of my cousins, because to me it’s easier to put myself down than to have myself on a pedestal. In all honest truth, I genuinely don’t believe I’m dumb, but I find it easier to say it than to admit that I have actual capabilities. In a way, I am dumb for not applying my capabilities, so am I really wrong there? I fear that if I keep continuing to think I’m dumb that it’ll leave with me believing I am. A part of me believes this way of thinking is succeeding. Is this an example of cognitive dissonance or a self-fulfilling prophecy? I’m not so sure? I won’t know what is fact, fiction, or plain reality from the perspective of my own eyes or brain. I can barely rely on it, so how could I trust it?

A lot of times I try to distance myself from people because I guess in my weird way of thinking, it makes me invisible. However, there’s this co-worker I talk to in the hospital every once in a while. We have conversations about a lot of things, but mostly he hears me ramble on about music, underground scenes and the history that resides in them. I said earlier I used to say that I’m not a thinker until my co-worker said he wished there were more people like me who are thinkers. It genuinely caught me off-guard, and I told him I’m no thinker I’ve had my head bashed in many ways that I don’t think I’m capable of thinking. I know that I was defensive because I never received a compliment, let alone any validation of the things I ever said. This genuinely made me question what people thought of me. Cause all that went in my head was how negative I thought of myself. He told me after I retorted back, “Whenever we talk I am always learning something.” I never thought that the things I said would be heard by someone, at least. Most of the time, people don’t even bother paying attention to the things I say, and so I just say my peace, knowing it was thrown into the void, never to be resurfaced again. This blog functions for that entire reason. At least it’s in a place and not just a void.

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3/10/2025

February to March Update

Okay I know very well it's been a hot minute since I last posted anything on my blog. Funnily enough I've actually been spending a lot of time just writing for this site. It's just in the work in progress phase. I will be honest the Bad Religion shrine did burn me out, BUT I did not stop working on other projects for this site. I can't deny that after moving into my apartment that I did take my sweet time to relax. I mean I feel like I deserve some rest after moving in furniture and unpacking. I've been playing Red Dead Redemption 2 and The Sims 4, while working on my little writing projects for my site at work. The only thing I've been updating on here during February was the "Song of the Week" and I do plan on making an archive page of each song I shared. Regardless this month has been very busy, and it even ended with a bang at least. I went to Just Another Gig Vol. 6 and I'm already working on talking about it in a separate post. But man ever since the move I've been working out every morning, writing a little bit, playing video games here and there, and honestly just living. I mentioned this before but I work a full time job at the hospital, so it's a little tricky to manage so many different things. Especially with how busy this month has been for me. I honestly hope I don't get too burnt out.

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2/5/2025

Deleting Instagram: Long Overdue

Today, I finally made the decision to delete Instagram off my phone for good. However, I don't think I can truly get rid of my account since it holds so many memories. I'll still keep it to stay in touch with friends and family as well as being notified for any upcoming show or concert, but other than that I want to distance myself as much as possible from any social media app. Especially anything from Meta. TikTok was the first and it's been great without it, but I feel very uncomfortable deleting Instagram. Weirdly I feel more like a slave to it than I did with TikTok.

With all of the AI content I keep seeing on my feed, and the abhorent amount of terrible IG content I think it was a long overdue decision. Although, I do find myself dealing with the same restlessness and unease from leaving social media, and it is one of the things I am trying to counter. At least I'm not doom scrolling through Instagram Reels because seriously what is the point of deleting TikTok if you're going to just watch them on Instagram Reels? (I'm pointing at myself here)

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2/4/2025

People Who Spread Rumors Are Dumber Than Pigs

Apparently, there is a new situation that happened at work today and it's related to rumors. Usually, whenever someone starts spreading rumors about me I'm pretty oblivious to it, and if I am aware of it I brush it off because I've always had the mindset of "out of sight, out of mind". However, I can't do that working at a hospital since if that spreads it goes straight to the supervisor and I could get fired for it. Another thing to note is that my mom works in the same position I do, but she's very vocal about everything that happens in the hospital. Not to mention she also has seniority as she's been there for over 20 years. So whenever shit like this happens she will immediately jump into action.

I will say it is frustrating to have someone say "he isn't dusting the vents when cleaning the ORs" and is pointing all the blame at me for the caked-up amount of dust in the vents that's been accumulated for months. Here's the thing I am not the only person working in the ORs. I'm also NOT the one who dusts when I'm with a partner. The way the teams are set up for cleaning Cath Labs is that one person wipes and dusts, while the other pulls trash and mops. I always tell this to any partner I'm working with "Just letting you know I usually pull trash and mop because I'm not fast enough at wiping." I do this because it helps me keep up with my partner since I'm still "new" compared to everyone else. If I do any wiping I do dust the vents, but that's rare cause I'm usually the one pulling trash and mopping.

I think she might've formulated this type of information in her head by eavesdropping on a conversation I had with a coworker of mine who said "Did you know that the MRI rooms down in Imaging haven't been dusted in months that so much dust fell to the ground." And I told him "I had no idea we're supposed to clean the MRI rooms. I wasn't taught that at all when I started working down there." (I'm still new to Imaging) The thing is that means no one cleaned the MRI rooms, or if they did no one ever dusted them. The person who was teaching me down in Imaging NEVER mentioned the MRI rooms, so I was left making a mistake without ever realizing it was a mistake. Regardless all the dust build up gets accumulated over months of not being cleaned. You can't blame one person for it. Again it is frustrating that rumors like this are spread, so I'm kind of forced to go and see the supervisor to clear this up.

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1/31/2025

Writing About Things I Love is Kind of Hard...

For the past few days I've been working on my Bad Religion shrine, and I knew the hard part would be writing down all the information. Even though I have so much of it stored in my head the moment I sit down to just write I begin to struggle. I know their history like the back of my hand, and every single record released including the year. Not to mention the correlation between Epitaph Records and the bands signed on them, or how they became impactful. I just seem to struggle to find the right words to say when talking about them. I've been a fan of this band for years and have been wanting to talk about them freely, but I have to remind myself that writing is also a form of art and a skill just like drawing. Even if you envision the idea and know what you want to add like facts and information. How it comes out can come off as entirely different. It'll just leave you dissatified, but I guess it just adds to the challenge of owning a blog and a website, but man it can be really frustrating you know.

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1/25/2025

Reflecting on the Past Year Living in My Current House

I'm about to move into a new apartment in a week, but I know a part of me is going to miss my current home. In a lot of ways I genuinely loved living here, but I have a lot of issues that made it to where I couldn't continue living here anymore. The most significant reason is that my work is too far away for me. Let me ask you this would you want to walk 25 minutes to the closest bus stop? And then ride 2 buses to get to work? That amount of travel, waiting, and walking adds up to 1 hour and 30 minutes. I was doing that every single day. Rain, thunder, hail, frost, and whatever weather the season was in. It wasn't easy especially since I work an evening shift. I'd have to find a ride to drive me home since buses aren't operating past 11 pm.

However, that isn't the only reason I felt the need to move out. Despite my home being a decent size for the price of $1,600 a month. I mean hell an actual backyard and front yard with monthly maintenance taking care of the work sheesh that's an absolute steal. It's just that my room is practically an office. You see my roommate has the master bedroom, and it was agreed upon that I should have the small bedroom because I was going to pay $675 a month instead of $800 cause I was going to have surgery soon. See it worked then cause of my financial situation, but now since I work at the hospital and am being paid $18 an hour I don't need to worry about being tight on money. The problem is now that the rent doesn't reflect how small my bedroom is.

I think what really sucks about my office bedroom is that I don't have any room for a dresser. I don't have room for my CRT TV, my records, or my turntable. All "I" could fit was my TV stand, computer desk, two small bookshelves, and my bed. I put "I" in quotations because I didn't set up my room my sister did cause she's a pro at interior design. Anyway, I just felt that the room was just not cutting it for me the size just couldn't compensate for how many interests and hobbies I have.

Now as much as I actually do like my roommate. I think I started to become more frustrated as time went on. Especially when he started dating again. I was unaware of how insufferable he'd be with his girlfriend, but I can't voice much about that since it's really not my place. But him rarely being at home and always staying with his girlfriend makes me question why he's still renting this place. He's been doing this for a couple of months now ever since he started dating, and I've been the only person occupying the house. I am also the only one who cleans and maintains it while he's gone. I've told him this before and he would say "I am home you're just at work." I always find that bullshit because even though I leave the house at 3:20 pm I can tell whether or not he was home by the way he locks the door. For example, I lock both locks every time I leave for work. I know no one is occupying the place and I don't want it to get broken into. I know he hasn't been home cause he only locks the top lock. Not to mention my mom would drive me home from work and would say "Your roommate isn't home again?" and I'd always have to nod and say yes. It's bad enough that I have seen him 2 times during the whole week and even then he's not in the house for very long. My question is what's the point of renting this place when he's barely here?

I guess I'm just nitpicking now but I remember he would complain that I wouldn't do the dishes, but I am always at home, and I do them. He does occasionally clean when I see him every once in a blue moon, but I've never seen him clean the bathroom, sweep or mop the floors, or tidy up the house. I never complained about it to him, but I mean that kind of stuff starts to pile up inside. I still find it criminal I don't even get the master bedroom even though I am at the house every day and practically the only one who takes care of it. Like why am I sleeping in my tiny ass office bedroom that is $800 a month (Not including utilities or my medical bills that add up my expenses to $1,200 a month. This also doesn't include food.), and my roommate who also pays $800 a month has a giant ass master bedroom that he's barely here cause he's with his girlfriend all the time. I don't hate my roommate at all, but some things do bother me. But that's just what you'll be expecting when you live with other people. It was a nice run living in this place, but I think moving with my sister and her boyfriend will be better since I at least know my sister and how she lives. Hopefully, she can tolerate me.

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1/23/2025

We Honestly Need A Revolution

I try to be optimistic during these crushing times, but being delusional won't save anyone. I do believe there are incredibly good people in this world, but right now this world is being run by evil people and the one thing we need to do is stay close to one another. Having a community of people is an important safety net when going through something difficult like this. Every day things seem to become more and more dystopian, and in this month alone it feels like we're nearing end times. So far we've got Trump's inauguration, Elon Musk's Nazi salute, and Microsoft buying the Three Mile Island nuclear power plant to use the energy for AI data centers. What a fucking time to be alive where the US is run by oligarchs, and AI is used for everything and heavily endorsed by corporations. The world is looking at us laughing, but I've seen their comments they're scared too. It is a large 1st world country run by oligarchs who can heavily impact other countries. Expect the worst for the next 4 years. I won't be surprised to see a revolution when food becomes too expensive, and people already can't afford their medical bills anymore cause health insurance is one of the most evil businesses out there. Honestly, we're due for one anyway. This country has been around for over 200 years, and every empire goes through one someday.

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10/17/2024

EDGE DAY (Originally posted on Instagram on 10/17/2024)

Normally I wouldn’t post something like this, but today is special. Two years ago I made a promise to myself that I would devote all of me to straight edge. Before that I teetered on the idea, but I never truly devoted myself to it. From my perspective, I genuinely thought being sober was the norm in this world, so I viewed the concept of straight edge as rather pointless. I was too naive to realize how much this world valued substances. Not until I learned it the hard way. I knew in my heart that this type of culture wasn’t for me. I never enjoyed drinking, and I had no interest in drugs. But I won’t deny the truth that I’ve always had a weak mindset. I struggled all my life to say no because I didn’t want people to hate me. I avoided confrontation cause I wasn’t strong enough to stick up for myself. At the end of the day I was weak and I made those decisions. But it’s because of those experiences that I am the person I am now.

The mistakes, the guilt, the anger and shame. That pain still lingers, but everyday I tell myself that it’s okay to feel pain and to feel hurt. Those experiences are necessary for growth. Without those mistakes I wouldn’t have found the fire inside my heart. I wouldn’t have stayed committed if I didn’t experience any of it. Since then I’ve been able to reflect on myself and reframe my mindset. Straight Edge to me is more than being sober. More than just an act of rejecting a culture that supports abuse, addiction, death, and misery. But an unwavering dedication for betterment. A commitment to oneself for a clean and better life, and for me I use straight edge as a foundation to build myself further for self improvement. I’m not perfect, but as long as I have the straight edge. It’s enough for me to continue staying committed.

I’m thankful for the people I’ve met in the punk/hardcore scene here in Eugene/Springfield. I’m very glad there’s people I know who are straight edge just like me as if I thought I might be the only one here. I’m glad we have something special and I’m proud to be Straight Edge.

Hardcore music has impacted me more than I ever thought it would. Bands like Judge, Have Heart, Comeback Kid, and Youth Of Today helped shape me to the person I am now.

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9/05/2024

Deleted TikTok (Originally posted on SpaceHey on 9/05/2024)

It's been a week since I deleted TikTok...For the past 4 months, I’ve been trying to moderate my social media usage. Prior to this, I would spend up to 17 hours a day scrolling through TikTok videos. One week, I totaled 49 hours on my phone, with 17 of those hours spent consuming nothing but TikTok videos. I realized I needed a change, so I decided to limit my phone usage. I would come home from work, place my phone in the kitchen, and not interact with it. Occasionally, I would allow myself 30 minutes to scroll before stopping. Eventually, I reached a tipping point and decided to delete the app altogether. I was already frustrated with TikTok, especially with the lack of media literacy, the constant negativity, hatred, and drama. Despite this, I struggled to delete the app. What finally pushed me to do it was a binge session where I ended up scrolling for 16 hours straight. That experience made me realize I needed to take action. Now, a week after deleting TikTok, I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel freer than ever.